Such a powerful series, Allison! I love this area of exploration and am excited to follow along. I believe that what we experience as "reality" is but a teeny sliver of what exists - both because of our "domestication" and because of the limitations of human sense perception (which we seem intent on dulling more and more).
As a more personal, down-to-earth example, I've been feeling extra down lately about being a "failure" at life. But the other night, during meditation, I realized that I'm basing that "failure" on markers and milestones that, while I'd like to have them, are actually not the most important thing to me. I'd rather be able to move my body with ease, have good health, and feel as though I'm learning to live life more beautifully in relation to others than to have fame, fortune, fancy things, fancy titles, and so forth. Like literally, if someone were to ask me to trade health for any of that, I'd refuse. (And I recognize that not everyone has good health and I may not for always, but I'm extremely grateful for it currently. Same with having a lovely home, loving relationships, etc.) Anyway, my big insight from that meditation was a surprising: "I'm doing pretty well, actually!"
Yes, Dana! I am nodding in recognition of all the ways we so easily miss the subtle yet powerful opportunities to experience life. How we can dull out and numb out the big stuff, habitually.
And thank you for sharing so much of yourself in this comment. Yours is a powerful example of how that Inner Judge can camp out in our mind and in our psyche from time to time. I have experienced similar "bouts of failure" thinking I am lacking in areas I "want" or "need" to be recognized/seen in. I like how you were able to sit with those thoughts (rather than numb them or shove them away) and in peeling all that back, you came to a realization of - wait a sec, these aren't the most important markers to me. Putting things in perspective is so hard to do when we busy our minds! I'm glad mediation is able to help you move all that along.
Such a beautiful reflection, Dana: "I'd rather be able to move my body with ease, have good health, and feel as though I'm learning to live life more beautifully in relation to others than to have fame, fortune, fancy things, fancy titles, and so forth" Glad to be here on this journey with you, Allison and her growing community.
I love that you’re doing this. I just bought a copy of the book for my son in college and dug out my old copy for myself an air. I haven’t read your entire essay just yet but wanted to say thank you.
Thank YOU, Deirdre. I love that you are open to revisiting the text and I think it’s awesome you bought your son a copy. I considered passing it along to my son (16) - not sure he would sit down with it but maybe!
Allison, this was wonderful. Your reflections and insights here are so rich, and there are so many places I felt "yes, me too!" At the point you weren't able find the podcast you wanted about the domestication theme and had to rely on your own voice--divine intervention, and one I need to seek more often myself! I am now eager to pick up my well-traveled copy of The Four Agreements and re-read the first part, revisit your essay and join you in writing the prompt--a great one! I am about to travel, for the entire month of March, and so my copy of The Four Agreements will once again go on the road (as it did throughout South America last year with my daughter), eventually landing with me on the doorstep of my coach, Deb Blum, in Scottsdale, AZ, who recommended the book to me in the first place and who I will meet in person for the first time next month. So here is to adventure and to loosening the yoke of domestication! Oh, and I also love Yoga with Adriene and will take her on the road with me and do the Solar Plexus session. I am however going to have lots of live yoga, the first part of my March travel month is a week of yoga in Hawaii--yoga therapy! I will be writing about it in my Substack.
Very nice Allison!! I like how you correlated your own life experiences to Ruiz’. And you are absolutely right about Rohr and others pointing at the same thing: we were brainwashed into believing we were not good enough!! That’s it!!! That tension almost tore me to shreds and I was comitting a slow suicide with booze. I am free of that finally, with daily re-connection to my true Self!! Society is always pulling and tugging at me though: “so, what do you do???”
Excellent voyage you are on my dear friend!! I’m excited to see where you are taking us with this!! 💪🙏
Ah, Christopher - so much appreciation for this response. That's just it - from the start, we learned to look outward instead of inward - for love, safety, expectations, praise, worth, ALL of it. The way out of it (out of the noise) for me was to pay more attention to my own internal cues. And doing that was IMPOSSIBLE when I was a drinker.
And yet, STILL, I turn to others for validation. Looking for acceptance/belonging - is what I am saying/doing/learning "right". I guess it's human nature!
Just finished the first part of the book and have marked many passages to write on! Thanks for putting this together. You could have easily leaned into the fear of not feeling totally confident in your ability to lead this, but you didn’t. You did it anyway, in spite of that feeling. That part of your piece really inspired and spoke to me. I love the substance of the piece but I also love and appreciate admission and vulnerability. It made me feel seen.
Amy, thank you so much for letting me know that part spoke to you in that way. I was scared to divulge that in the essay, actually! For me, I am learning that when I am able to admit that maybe I just go ahead and do the thing without doubling down on control/management/overperformance, growth and expansion meets me on the other side. It's becoming a sort of trustfall.
Thanks for reading along - so glad you will be here for the series.
Thank you for the thank you :) Again, happy to be here.
This post is so meaty, I both want to devour it quickly and digest it slowly.
I first read The Four Agreements two years ago, two years into living alcohol free. Perfect timing. I agree, Ruiz's tenets within this brief book are an excellent foundation for building emotional sobriety. It is a foundation so deeply set, I want-and need-to revisit and unearth it from time to time. I resonate with so much of your reflections (and not least of all, with the prayer that I too, will one day just sit in a chair, and write. I have an overwhelming assortment of ideas & I write posts in my head all day-have you read them? ;) ). Ooh, the feeling of fear. Yes, I feel this at my core. My fear whispered to me to leave my marriage so many years before I was forced to heed the screams. I was still afraid when I left, but I was excited, too. Much as I have felt about getting sober (absolutely terrifying at first) and with each new layer and level I reach in my recovery discovery. I pray to find my soul and my Real Life a bit more each day throughout this writing and recovery journey.
I’m with you, Rosemary! The learning, unlearning and then relearning (again and again) that takes place in my sobriety can be heavy but it is so much better than staying numb to all the hard that I did when I was a drinker.
And fear can kick us into gear and take us to the places we are meant to be. Fear wakes us up, really. Right?
I’m so glad you’ll be walking through this book with me. You and I have a lot in common. Xoxoxo
An excellent start to your series. Well thought out and well written. A potential windfall for many a reader. I’m pleased to see that you are offering up your own interpretation. A much better use of the tools at hand. Good luck!
Ah, heartfelt thank you for this comment, Brian! Once I caught myself trying too hard to find the "best approach" to this series, I was able to just open up about how it is meeting me where I am, and I leaned into my lived experience instead. More to come!
“Girl - you need to step back into your power and speak from your own experience.” Nice one, Universe! Thanks for giving Allison that bit of no-nonsense encouragement!
This is wonderful, Allison. I haven't read The Four Agreements and I wasn't familiar with the idea of Domestication, but the idea rang so many bells. I'm the same as you, in the constant pursuit of external validation and a distrust of my own opinions. I'm finding that Substack is helping me with that - writing regularly and commenting on the work of other writers is helping me to become more confident in my own beliefs (and yes, sobriety does that too 😊), but it's all so deeply engrained. Thank you so much for this wonderful introduction. I'm so looking forward to following along with the rest of the series. x
Thanks, Michelle! I'm so happy you are here following along.
Substack and regularly committing to this newsletter is helping me in the same sort of ways that you mention. The more I write and engage with other readers/writers, I am finding I am also engaging more with ME - with what I identify with (creatively, spiritually). It feels like I am back in a flow state that my body and mind so craved.
Such a powerful series, Allison! I love this area of exploration and am excited to follow along. I believe that what we experience as "reality" is but a teeny sliver of what exists - both because of our "domestication" and because of the limitations of human sense perception (which we seem intent on dulling more and more).
As a more personal, down-to-earth example, I've been feeling extra down lately about being a "failure" at life. But the other night, during meditation, I realized that I'm basing that "failure" on markers and milestones that, while I'd like to have them, are actually not the most important thing to me. I'd rather be able to move my body with ease, have good health, and feel as though I'm learning to live life more beautifully in relation to others than to have fame, fortune, fancy things, fancy titles, and so forth. Like literally, if someone were to ask me to trade health for any of that, I'd refuse. (And I recognize that not everyone has good health and I may not for always, but I'm extremely grateful for it currently. Same with having a lovely home, loving relationships, etc.) Anyway, my big insight from that meditation was a surprising: "I'm doing pretty well, actually!"
Yes, Dana! I am nodding in recognition of all the ways we so easily miss the subtle yet powerful opportunities to experience life. How we can dull out and numb out the big stuff, habitually.
And thank you for sharing so much of yourself in this comment. Yours is a powerful example of how that Inner Judge can camp out in our mind and in our psyche from time to time. I have experienced similar "bouts of failure" thinking I am lacking in areas I "want" or "need" to be recognized/seen in. I like how you were able to sit with those thoughts (rather than numb them or shove them away) and in peeling all that back, you came to a realization of - wait a sec, these aren't the most important markers to me. Putting things in perspective is so hard to do when we busy our minds! I'm glad mediation is able to help you move all that along.
xoxoxo
Such a beautiful reflection, Dana: "I'd rather be able to move my body with ease, have good health, and feel as though I'm learning to live life more beautifully in relation to others than to have fame, fortune, fancy things, fancy titles, and so forth" Glad to be here on this journey with you, Allison and her growing community.
Thank you, Amy! Hearts to you!
I love that you’re doing this. I just bought a copy of the book for my son in college and dug out my old copy for myself an air. I haven’t read your entire essay just yet but wanted to say thank you.
Thank YOU, Deirdre. I love that you are open to revisiting the text and I think it’s awesome you bought your son a copy. I considered passing it along to my son (16) - not sure he would sit down with it but maybe!
I’m happy you’re here ✨
Allison, this was wonderful. Your reflections and insights here are so rich, and there are so many places I felt "yes, me too!" At the point you weren't able find the podcast you wanted about the domestication theme and had to rely on your own voice--divine intervention, and one I need to seek more often myself! I am now eager to pick up my well-traveled copy of The Four Agreements and re-read the first part, revisit your essay and join you in writing the prompt--a great one! I am about to travel, for the entire month of March, and so my copy of The Four Agreements will once again go on the road (as it did throughout South America last year with my daughter), eventually landing with me on the doorstep of my coach, Deb Blum, in Scottsdale, AZ, who recommended the book to me in the first place and who I will meet in person for the first time next month. So here is to adventure and to loosening the yoke of domestication! Oh, and I also love Yoga with Adriene and will take her on the road with me and do the Solar Plexus session. I am however going to have lots of live yoga, the first part of my March travel month is a week of yoga in Hawaii--yoga therapy! I will be writing about it in my Substack.
Oh Amy - your travel plans sound so divine! I’m a bit jealous! So happy to hear you will the opportunity to meet Deb in person.
And how kismet - the timing of you picking this book back up. The Four Agreements will be a companion on yet another adventure. I ❤️ that.
I truly look forward to hearing your reflections on the book. Thanks for being such a thoughtful contributor here. Xoxo
Very nice Allison!! I like how you correlated your own life experiences to Ruiz’. And you are absolutely right about Rohr and others pointing at the same thing: we were brainwashed into believing we were not good enough!! That’s it!!! That tension almost tore me to shreds and I was comitting a slow suicide with booze. I am free of that finally, with daily re-connection to my true Self!! Society is always pulling and tugging at me though: “so, what do you do???”
Excellent voyage you are on my dear friend!! I’m excited to see where you are taking us with this!! 💪🙏
Ah, Christopher - so much appreciation for this response. That's just it - from the start, we learned to look outward instead of inward - for love, safety, expectations, praise, worth, ALL of it. The way out of it (out of the noise) for me was to pay more attention to my own internal cues. And doing that was IMPOSSIBLE when I was a drinker.
And yet, STILL, I turn to others for validation. Looking for acceptance/belonging - is what I am saying/doing/learning "right". I guess it's human nature!
Just finished the first part of the book and have marked many passages to write on! Thanks for putting this together. You could have easily leaned into the fear of not feeling totally confident in your ability to lead this, but you didn’t. You did it anyway, in spite of that feeling. That part of your piece really inspired and spoke to me. I love the substance of the piece but I also love and appreciate admission and vulnerability. It made me feel seen.
Amy, thank you so much for letting me know that part spoke to you in that way. I was scared to divulge that in the essay, actually! For me, I am learning that when I am able to admit that maybe I just go ahead and do the thing without doubling down on control/management/overperformance, growth and expansion meets me on the other side. It's becoming a sort of trustfall.
Thanks for reading along - so glad you will be here for the series.
Thank you for the thank you :) Again, happy to be here.
This post is so meaty, I both want to devour it quickly and digest it slowly.
I first read The Four Agreements two years ago, two years into living alcohol free. Perfect timing. I agree, Ruiz's tenets within this brief book are an excellent foundation for building emotional sobriety. It is a foundation so deeply set, I want-and need-to revisit and unearth it from time to time. I resonate with so much of your reflections (and not least of all, with the prayer that I too, will one day just sit in a chair, and write. I have an overwhelming assortment of ideas & I write posts in my head all day-have you read them? ;) ). Ooh, the feeling of fear. Yes, I feel this at my core. My fear whispered to me to leave my marriage so many years before I was forced to heed the screams. I was still afraid when I left, but I was excited, too. Much as I have felt about getting sober (absolutely terrifying at first) and with each new layer and level I reach in my recovery discovery. I pray to find my soul and my Real Life a bit more each day throughout this writing and recovery journey.
I’m with you, Rosemary! The learning, unlearning and then relearning (again and again) that takes place in my sobriety can be heavy but it is so much better than staying numb to all the hard that I did when I was a drinker.
And fear can kick us into gear and take us to the places we are meant to be. Fear wakes us up, really. Right?
I’m so glad you’ll be walking through this book with me. You and I have a lot in common. Xoxoxo
I love the risk you’re taking in opening up to these principles. Thank you for sharing. ❤️
They are worth revisiting, that’s for sure!
Thanks for reading, Dee 🙏🏼
An excellent start to your series. Well thought out and well written. A potential windfall for many a reader. I’m pleased to see that you are offering up your own interpretation. A much better use of the tools at hand. Good luck!
Ah, heartfelt thank you for this comment, Brian! Once I caught myself trying too hard to find the "best approach" to this series, I was able to just open up about how it is meeting me where I am, and I leaned into my lived experience instead. More to come!
“Girl - you need to step back into your power and speak from your own experience.” Nice one, Universe! Thanks for giving Allison that bit of no-nonsense encouragement!
This is wonderful, Allison. I haven't read The Four Agreements and I wasn't familiar with the idea of Domestication, but the idea rang so many bells. I'm the same as you, in the constant pursuit of external validation and a distrust of my own opinions. I'm finding that Substack is helping me with that - writing regularly and commenting on the work of other writers is helping me to become more confident in my own beliefs (and yes, sobriety does that too 😊), but it's all so deeply engrained. Thank you so much for this wonderful introduction. I'm so looking forward to following along with the rest of the series. x
Thanks, Michelle! I'm so happy you are here following along.
Substack and regularly committing to this newsletter is helping me in the same sort of ways that you mention. The more I write and engage with other readers/writers, I am finding I am also engaging more with ME - with what I identify with (creatively, spiritually). It feels like I am back in a flow state that my body and mind so craved.