Allison—I loved reading your shared experience. I also feel so alive and connected by movement, notably yoga. I’m just a walker and a mover too trying to find my way free of judgment and anchored in authenticity. I remind myself over and over again in every aspect of my life, be it law practice, motherhood, yoga practice or anything really, that done is better than good. If I can remember it, (not always easy lol) I also assure myself that perfection is the enemy of the good.
“Anchored in authenticity”. Yes, Kathleen. That is what is driving me (gently yet more steadily) these days.
I recall the Allison who pushed and pushed to run (beside you in some races, actually who am I kidding, BEHIND you in the races 🤣). I look at that woman and I am so proud of her. And, I look at myself now and am so proud of THIS woman for honoring herself enough to slow down. And still keep movement a priority in her life.
Thanks so much for reading, sharing and being here Kathleen 🙏🏼💞
Allison & Jennifer - WOW!!! This beautiful combined essay hit home in so many ways. Sometimes I just want to forget about my drinking days, and sometimes I need reminders... reminders of the "yets." I know deep down in my heart that I was VERY close to some "yets" that would've been painful and most likely devastating. I am incredibly grateful that I chose to put down the drink before the unthinkable happened. Sure, there are memories in my last dark days that will unfortunately stay with my forever, but those memories fade a bit as I experience the new "yets," the joyful ones. In fact, I just saw a Facebook post yesterday of a friend in the Fingerlakes enjoying the wine. My 2 trips to the Fingerlakes were amazing, and I really, really liked the wine there. For a moment, I wished I could go back there, sample all the wine again. But then I have opportunities to read essays like this one, and I'm reminded of the joys of sobriety... the simple awes in nature, the experiences with my family that won't be clouded, learning how to be with myself and actually enjoy some alone time. Allison, I walk along a street similar to the one you pictured, and I love when I see the sun's rays shining through the trees. I also love how you phrased it - "a streak of light sandwiched between green." One last comment... when thinking about where I'd like to take myself on a date, the answer is to the beach. I've never driven to the beach by myself (takes about 3-4 hours from where I live), and I really want to do it! Maybe my 3 year soberversary in November would be a good time to tackle that "yet." :)
Yes, Crystal!!!! A full throttle yes to the joyful “not yets”. We have so many to look forward to.
I can see you on that beach in November - relishing in your own company. Feet in the sand with a full body knowing that you are your own best date. Honoring the woman who got you to that 3rd soberversary.
I actually think you go on a date with yourself every time you go for a solo bike ride. I love seeing all the adventures you take yourself on on those two wheels. 🚲💞
What a beautiful pairing, Allison and Jennifer! Thank you for sharing your reflections and wisdom.
I feel most in rhythm with wonder when surrounded by nature and the sounds of nature - ideally far removed from the sounds of machines and most people. Although I didn’t hit an obvious, clear rock bottom with alcohol, I did live out a few “yets” during a very dark, very isolated winter of divorce. Interestingly, when I got sober a few years later, those “yets” were no longer happening. But they showed me a particular trajectory and showed me how miserable that trajectory is and how deeply I wanted something much different.
What a beautiful gorgeous magnificent (the adjectives could go on) offering from the two of you, such lights in my life with your words that offer me insight, healing and awe every single time I read Allison and Jennifer. What a delight to walk with you in nature Allison, to see the wonder all around you through your eyes, reminding me how much is there for us to experience when we put away the screens and the worries and the distractions that pull us away from what’s right in front of us, like the sun on the road, the flowers you captured for us. There is such an aliveness in what you’ve written and I want some of that too! And Jenny, your vulnerability, honesty, piercing self-awareness that also holds such compassion for yourself, it all comes through here. I am so glad your ‘yets’ have transformed to the ‘yets’ that have you curious and excited. I love that you danced on the beach, (you & I share it as a happy place) and that you are dating yourself. A woman who enjoys her own company is a woman to be envied, because she knows who she is and her worth. This especially I loved: ‘Because when we set fire to what no longer serves us, we invite freedom, wonder, and joy to come dance in the flames.’ Just this morning I took part in an autumn equinox tea and intention setting ceremony on the beach here in Barcelona, as the sun rose at this midpoint of the year, in that seesaw from lightness to darkness, and we welcomed it all, our arms stretched to the sky. The words that came to me were ‘creative fire.’ This is the season of my creative fire. I feel its flames in my veins. And when the sunrise painted a portrait of a path leading into a forest, in dusty pink and dark shadows, I heard a voice say, ‘Here is your path.’ And as the sunlight sent a ribbon of light across the sea to my feet, the voice said’ This is your light. Now follow it, love, follow it to the path that awaits.’ That was my moment of awe today and I’m grateful for it. Right after our ceremony we jumped into the still warm water, a baptizing for the season that awaits.
And lucky me. I get to be one of the recipients who feels the warmth of your words as you continue to craft your body of work. You are blazing your way on a path that is destined for you. This is your season.
Just last night I attended my very first autumn equinox spirit singing circle. I have never considered myself a singer. I can’t hold a tune. But I gathered in circle with 11 other women (only 2 of whom I met before) and we witnessed each other singing ourselves back to Spirit. It was awe in pure form. It was yet another instance of how I continue to surprise myself with how I use my voice.
I am in awe of both of us, Amy! And Jenny, too!
How is it that the 3 of us have not danced on a beach barefoot together?!?!
Thank you Allison! Thanks for the encouragement and for blazing right alongside me. That singing circle sounded incredibly beautiful and powerful. I also did a journaling workshop yesterday with somatic elements that included using our voices and it was so powerful to roar like the woman warriors we are. And we definitely have to make that happen, dancing barefoot on the beach together. How can I persuade you two to come to Barcelona?!
My friend and Reiki healer invited me. The description was:
You knew sound & vibration can heal, but did you know that YOUR OWN VOICE can be a healing vibration too? Come and experience it with us! Yes MANY of you experience music as healing, and it's true. Our cells respond to vibrational resonance.
But did you know that your body is most attuned to the frequency of YOUR OWN VOICE? And YOUR OWN VOICE as an anchor for your own alignment will tone or vagus nerve, settle your nervous system and WAKE UP parts of you that you've left dormant for too long?
It was like nothing I’ve done before and it definitely shifted something in me.
If you ever have an opportunity to attend one, I encourage you to go. Maybe try a Google search and see if there are any close by you.
I am in the midst of a darkly “stuck” place—nearly two years sober from alcohol and realizing that it was only one of many ways I have been numbing myself all my life. This post (and many others) sheds a pinpoint of light onto my present reality. Keep it up; your work is helpful and necessary.
Elisabeth - you are not alone. The deeper I get into sobriety, the more I seem to uncover as to what I repeatedly want to numb. The secret sauce, though, is that we are noticing it. The noticing it is a superpower. That kind of discernment, while super confronting, is also a gift of self-awareness. We are waking up.
Allison—I loved reading your shared experience. I also feel so alive and connected by movement, notably yoga. I’m just a walker and a mover too trying to find my way free of judgment and anchored in authenticity. I remind myself over and over again in every aspect of my life, be it law practice, motherhood, yoga practice or anything really, that done is better than good. If I can remember it, (not always easy lol) I also assure myself that perfection is the enemy of the good.
“Anchored in authenticity”. Yes, Kathleen. That is what is driving me (gently yet more steadily) these days.
I recall the Allison who pushed and pushed to run (beside you in some races, actually who am I kidding, BEHIND you in the races 🤣). I look at that woman and I am so proud of her. And, I look at myself now and am so proud of THIS woman for honoring herself enough to slow down. And still keep movement a priority in her life.
Thanks so much for reading, sharing and being here Kathleen 🙏🏼💞
Allison & Jennifer - WOW!!! This beautiful combined essay hit home in so many ways. Sometimes I just want to forget about my drinking days, and sometimes I need reminders... reminders of the "yets." I know deep down in my heart that I was VERY close to some "yets" that would've been painful and most likely devastating. I am incredibly grateful that I chose to put down the drink before the unthinkable happened. Sure, there are memories in my last dark days that will unfortunately stay with my forever, but those memories fade a bit as I experience the new "yets," the joyful ones. In fact, I just saw a Facebook post yesterday of a friend in the Fingerlakes enjoying the wine. My 2 trips to the Fingerlakes were amazing, and I really, really liked the wine there. For a moment, I wished I could go back there, sample all the wine again. But then I have opportunities to read essays like this one, and I'm reminded of the joys of sobriety... the simple awes in nature, the experiences with my family that won't be clouded, learning how to be with myself and actually enjoy some alone time. Allison, I walk along a street similar to the one you pictured, and I love when I see the sun's rays shining through the trees. I also love how you phrased it - "a streak of light sandwiched between green." One last comment... when thinking about where I'd like to take myself on a date, the answer is to the beach. I've never driven to the beach by myself (takes about 3-4 hours from where I live), and I really want to do it! Maybe my 3 year soberversary in November would be a good time to tackle that "yet." :)
Yes, Crystal!!!! A full throttle yes to the joyful “not yets”. We have so many to look forward to.
I can see you on that beach in November - relishing in your own company. Feet in the sand with a full body knowing that you are your own best date. Honoring the woman who got you to that 3rd soberversary.
I actually think you go on a date with yourself every time you go for a solo bike ride. I love seeing all the adventures you take yourself on on those two wheels. 🚲💞
What a beautiful pairing, Allison and Jennifer! Thank you for sharing your reflections and wisdom.
I feel most in rhythm with wonder when surrounded by nature and the sounds of nature - ideally far removed from the sounds of machines and most people. Although I didn’t hit an obvious, clear rock bottom with alcohol, I did live out a few “yets” during a very dark, very isolated winter of divorce. Interestingly, when I got sober a few years later, those “yets” were no longer happening. But they showed me a particular trajectory and showed me how miserable that trajectory is and how deeply I wanted something much different.
Nature is my path to wonder, too. Without fail. It gets me back to my internal rhythm.
Sometimes our “yets” come in disguise. Little taps on the shoulder that are less recognizable in the moment.
Thank you for sharing, Dana. I appreciate your perspective, always. 💞
What a beautiful gorgeous magnificent (the adjectives could go on) offering from the two of you, such lights in my life with your words that offer me insight, healing and awe every single time I read Allison and Jennifer. What a delight to walk with you in nature Allison, to see the wonder all around you through your eyes, reminding me how much is there for us to experience when we put away the screens and the worries and the distractions that pull us away from what’s right in front of us, like the sun on the road, the flowers you captured for us. There is such an aliveness in what you’ve written and I want some of that too! And Jenny, your vulnerability, honesty, piercing self-awareness that also holds such compassion for yourself, it all comes through here. I am so glad your ‘yets’ have transformed to the ‘yets’ that have you curious and excited. I love that you danced on the beach, (you & I share it as a happy place) and that you are dating yourself. A woman who enjoys her own company is a woman to be envied, because she knows who she is and her worth. This especially I loved: ‘Because when we set fire to what no longer serves us, we invite freedom, wonder, and joy to come dance in the flames.’ Just this morning I took part in an autumn equinox tea and intention setting ceremony on the beach here in Barcelona, as the sun rose at this midpoint of the year, in that seesaw from lightness to darkness, and we welcomed it all, our arms stretched to the sky. The words that came to me were ‘creative fire.’ This is the season of my creative fire. I feel its flames in my veins. And when the sunrise painted a portrait of a path leading into a forest, in dusty pink and dark shadows, I heard a voice say, ‘Here is your path.’ And as the sunlight sent a ribbon of light across the sea to my feet, the voice said’ This is your light. Now follow it, love, follow it to the path that awaits.’ That was my moment of awe today and I’m grateful for it. Right after our ceremony we jumped into the still warm water, a baptizing for the season that awaits.
Wow, Amy! Goosebumps.
“I feel its flames in my veins.” !!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥
And lucky me. I get to be one of the recipients who feels the warmth of your words as you continue to craft your body of work. You are blazing your way on a path that is destined for you. This is your season.
Just last night I attended my very first autumn equinox spirit singing circle. I have never considered myself a singer. I can’t hold a tune. But I gathered in circle with 11 other women (only 2 of whom I met before) and we witnessed each other singing ourselves back to Spirit. It was awe in pure form. It was yet another instance of how I continue to surprise myself with how I use my voice.
I am in awe of both of us, Amy! And Jenny, too!
How is it that the 3 of us have not danced on a beach barefoot together?!?!
Thank you Allison! Thanks for the encouragement and for blazing right alongside me. That singing circle sounded incredibly beautiful and powerful. I also did a journaling workshop yesterday with somatic elements that included using our voices and it was so powerful to roar like the woman warriors we are. And we definitely have to make that happen, dancing barefoot on the beach together. How can I persuade you two to come to Barcelona?!
Oh someday! Hopefully in the near(er) future!
Where are these singing circles? I would love to do that!
My friend and Reiki healer invited me. The description was:
You knew sound & vibration can heal, but did you know that YOUR OWN VOICE can be a healing vibration too? Come and experience it with us! Yes MANY of you experience music as healing, and it's true. Our cells respond to vibrational resonance.
But did you know that your body is most attuned to the frequency of YOUR OWN VOICE? And YOUR OWN VOICE as an anchor for your own alignment will tone or vagus nerve, settle your nervous system and WAKE UP parts of you that you've left dormant for too long?
It was like nothing I’ve done before and it definitely shifted something in me.
If you ever have an opportunity to attend one, I encourage you to go. Maybe try a Google search and see if there are any close by you.
I am in the midst of a darkly “stuck” place—nearly two years sober from alcohol and realizing that it was only one of many ways I have been numbing myself all my life. This post (and many others) sheds a pinpoint of light onto my present reality. Keep it up; your work is helpful and necessary.
Elisabeth - you are not alone. The deeper I get into sobriety, the more I seem to uncover as to what I repeatedly want to numb. The secret sauce, though, is that we are noticing it. The noticing it is a superpower. That kind of discernment, while super confronting, is also a gift of self-awareness. We are waking up.