The idea that practicing the pause can turn into never pressing play really stayed with me.
I’ve experienced something similar in sobriety — learning to hold back, to observe, to not react… and then realizing that sometimes I was also holding back things that needed to be said.
That balance between presence and honesty is not simple.
The way you describe paradox as something that can hold both at once makes a lot of sense.
Allison, how I could relate to so much of this, my soul sister. The one as a child keeping her words in, letting them spill into the diary instead. And this—yes! “The woman who learned to hold it together now learns to let it out.” I sing this paradox with you, the biggest float in the parade: “You can seek growth and accept yourself as you are.”
You can listen deeply and still carry unsaid words.
You can be both the wound and the balm.” I too believe ‘my ache is my medicine.’ How I appreciate the way your mind and heart mirrors my own on the seeker’s path. We’ve got this,💗
This was so interesting to read, Allison, because my deeply entrenched default in spoken conversation is to freeze and experience a severing between what I know or feel, and what I’m able to express (I actually have a post coming this week about this exact thing). Where I find myself practicing pausing is in writing, which comes far more fluently to me than speech - and which, as a result, is much more likely to come out fast and careless.
Oh, I love thinking about that. The differences in how we communicate via spoken word versus written (to ourselves, too - not just in how we communicate to others). I do know I can be more granular and succinct with what I want to say when I have the benefit of the quiet only me aspect of writing (no volley in the conversation to worry about) as well as the lovely backspace and delete buttons ;-)
That severing you mention - oof. I get it. Which is why I am becoming more aware of what I pack away and never reveal if I wait to say it.
Thanks for reflecting here, Dana. I look forward to reading your upcoming post about this!
I love when your precious words awaken memories. My awakened memory is this - Every teacher used to tell me the same thing about my son in elementary school - How he always had his hand up, and even when he wasn't called on, he'd still blurt out the answer. I can just picture him... hand high up in the air, moving it back & forth so the teacher would see it, wiggling in his seat, probably making some noise to be sure the teacher noticed him. Some of his teachers appreciated his "enthusiasm," others didn't. I'm smiling thinking about that energetic little boy:) As for paradoxes, I'm try to live by this one - Less is more. I'm slowly trying to simplify my life, starting with cleaning out closets and getting rid of "stuff." It's HARD! But I feel really good each time I make a little progress:)
I love hearing about your enthusiastic boy, hand raised! May we all be that eager with the answers we find. :-)
And YES to the less is more. I'm leaning into that, too. Less is more (and also, slow down to move faster). I find I can "carry more" (internally) when I move my body slowly.
The cleaning out of closets (literally and figuratively) is always a useful task. Which reminds me, I can really stand to do some spring purging of my closets at home.
Yes!!!! “Paradox doesn’t dissolve tension, but it allows it to show up without forcing a false resolution. It loosens my grip on certainty. Instead of demanding answers, it makes room for my thoughts to expand.”
Allison--In case no one has told you lately.....you are an EXCEPTIONAL writer....
Oh Diana. You made my day. Thank you for making a girl feel special.
The idea that practicing the pause can turn into never pressing play really stayed with me.
I’ve experienced something similar in sobriety — learning to hold back, to observe, to not react… and then realizing that sometimes I was also holding back things that needed to be said.
That balance between presence and honesty is not simple.
The way you describe paradox as something that can hold both at once makes a lot of sense.
Thanks Petr. Yeah, the balance beam of sobriety can be shaky. Gauging how much to expose of our interior recalibration can feel overwhelming at times.
Writing helps me through that 😊
Allison, how I could relate to so much of this, my soul sister. The one as a child keeping her words in, letting them spill into the diary instead. And this—yes! “The woman who learned to hold it together now learns to let it out.” I sing this paradox with you, the biggest float in the parade: “You can seek growth and accept yourself as you are.”
You can listen deeply and still carry unsaid words.
You can be both the wound and the balm.” I too believe ‘my ache is my medicine.’ How I appreciate the way your mind and heart mirrors my own on the seeker’s path. We’ve got this,💗
Let's float in that parade together, my sweet soul sister. Naming the ache right along with you. We've got this, indeed. xoxoxo
Thanks for being here, Amy.
This was so interesting to read, Allison, because my deeply entrenched default in spoken conversation is to freeze and experience a severing between what I know or feel, and what I’m able to express (I actually have a post coming this week about this exact thing). Where I find myself practicing pausing is in writing, which comes far more fluently to me than speech - and which, as a result, is much more likely to come out fast and careless.
Loving your writing and reflections! ❤️
Oh, I love thinking about that. The differences in how we communicate via spoken word versus written (to ourselves, too - not just in how we communicate to others). I do know I can be more granular and succinct with what I want to say when I have the benefit of the quiet only me aspect of writing (no volley in the conversation to worry about) as well as the lovely backspace and delete buttons ;-)
That severing you mention - oof. I get it. Which is why I am becoming more aware of what I pack away and never reveal if I wait to say it.
Thanks for reflecting here, Dana. I look forward to reading your upcoming post about this!
I love when your precious words awaken memories. My awakened memory is this - Every teacher used to tell me the same thing about my son in elementary school - How he always had his hand up, and even when he wasn't called on, he'd still blurt out the answer. I can just picture him... hand high up in the air, moving it back & forth so the teacher would see it, wiggling in his seat, probably making some noise to be sure the teacher noticed him. Some of his teachers appreciated his "enthusiasm," others didn't. I'm smiling thinking about that energetic little boy:) As for paradoxes, I'm try to live by this one - Less is more. I'm slowly trying to simplify my life, starting with cleaning out closets and getting rid of "stuff." It's HARD! But I feel really good each time I make a little progress:)
I love hearing about your enthusiastic boy, hand raised! May we all be that eager with the answers we find. :-)
And YES to the less is more. I'm leaning into that, too. Less is more (and also, slow down to move faster). I find I can "carry more" (internally) when I move my body slowly.
The cleaning out of closets (literally and figuratively) is always a useful task. Which reminds me, I can really stand to do some spring purging of my closets at home.
Thanks for being here, Crystal. xoxo
Always love your thoughtful reflections, friend. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks Caroline 🫶
Yes!!!! “Paradox doesn’t dissolve tension, but it allows it to show up without forcing a false resolution. It loosens my grip on certainty. Instead of demanding answers, it makes room for my thoughts to expand.”
Thanks Kim. For beaming it back my way 🫶
Speaking, though, is the sudden brass of existence, loud and certain, pushing through the rhythm of the street.
I like that sentence. Though I might add that not all speaking need be loud to be certain.
Oh my gosh. Yes. The paradox parade. 👏🏽 👏🏽 spent a lot of time there.
Also I can make the March co-working session. I’ll need to duck out early but I’ll be there!!
So glad you can be there! 🫶
No worries if you have to hop off early.