Yes C expects alot of herself on the court and yes she has big feelings. Yes she is learning alot from watching Caitlin, Juju, Paige and Ashlee. But you Mama, she is watching you all the time. You are impressed with how in touch she is with her "big feelings"...but alot of that comes from modeling after YOU. You are her role model, she adores you and is learning much of coping skills from you. So yes thank you Caitlin, Paige, Juju and Ashlee...but thank YOU Allison for all you do to model great behaviors and teach this impressionable 10 year old to be her best self.
Well, Sha - we all know I like to cry! C sees me teary eyed all the time and I hope that gives her permission to FEEL. And YOU are making me cry right now. I'm just so grateful that C has such tremendous women to look up to (you are at the top of that list). Thank you for always reading and being there for me. xoxoxo
It is incredible that C is able to express her feelings so freely, she sounds like a special girl. This is no doubt because she feels safe and loved and is being shown that it’s okay to have and express your feelings- all of them.
Allison- It’s the environment YOU are modeling and creating so that maybe she doesn’t become so “domesticated” as our friend Don Miguel Ruiz would say.
Snap. Allison, the fact that you are holding this space for your daughter and are unlearning the messages that might have caused you to resist her feelings, or encourage her to suppress them, is a wonderful gift. As the father of a child with big feelings I am practicing being present to them and not reacting out of my own unmet needs and insecurities.
I did not grow up in a family where sport was significant, either to play or to watch. I have often prided myself on the fact that I don't enjoy 'watching other adults exercise' but I also feel like I have missed out on some of the positive things that following and supporting a team can bring.
Thank you, Benjamin. This comment means a lot to me.
Parenting sure has stirred up a lot in me - the unlearning (and re-learning) that you speak of continues to affect me. I love that you acknowledge that you are consciously practicing the gift of witnessing and validating your kids' feelings (versus reacting to them out of your own unmet needs). Oh, I wish all parents could have the discernment to do that!
I am in a book group at the moment, reading ‘Raising Good Humans’. It is giving me plenty to think about in terms of mindfulness and presence, and how important that is both in relation to ourselves, and our own needs, and how this empowers us to be what our kids need too.
Last year my 9 year old daughter developed a deep love for football. It kind of came out of nowhere although I suspect she is trying to impress my husband and my MIL. But now she has a genuine love for the game - she’s requested that her room in our new house is Miami Dolphins theme, she is also hell-bent on finding a flag football team to join. I grew up as a gymnast/swimmer/tumbler so this is new to me. I’m here for the passion though! 🙌🏻
Oh, I love this, Kezia. Football is my second favorite sport. I recall all the "Squish the Fish" antics that I heard as a kid back when my home team (Patriots) teamed up against the Dolphins in the post season. There is so much to gain from sports, as a spectator and a player. I love that your daughter is caught up in it!
Haha I'll have to share "squish the fish" with Harper! I'm not sure why she chose the Dolphins as her team, but she likes the bright blue and orange jerseys, and she's a Tua fan! I'm a hockey girl (good Canadian girl) and my team is the Dallas Stars. I got my husband into hockey when we started dating, although he's a Bruins fan. He's into most sports as a gambler and a spectator so our house is always alive with the sounds of fandom! :)
This is beautiful. Thank you so much for the shoutout, Allison! I love how your daughter FEELS it, and I appreciate how you acknowledged that’s a result of paying attention. It’s LONG, but there’s a great ESPN that dives inside the world of Caitlin Clark and Iowa’s run toward a national championship. It’s fascinating.
Kids learn so much from sports. Being part of a team, practice to improve, and learning to lose. Winning is more fun, but there’s less learning there. Winning is easier. Losing is hard. And losing a game can be very high emotion but most of the time it’s very low stakes. It’s great life experience.
I agree wholeheartedly, Dan. Thanks for sharing your thoughts here. Sports are delivering to me on a platter the life lessons I want my kids to feel and experience. And I’m surprising myself in how often I actually appreciate watching my kids lose. Because it’s so rich with material for growth.
I really enjoyed this essay, Allison. You should be rightfully proud of your daughter. I am not a fan or watch any spectator sports but I like all the messages you share about Caitlin Clark and your daughter's relationship to the game and to her emotions.
Thanks, Amy. I continue to be surprised at how invested and interlinked my emotions are to sports. I was never an athlete so it’s interesting to me how integral basketball is to my family. Just another way my kids are expanding me.
Who would’ve thought a piece on basketball would bring tears to my eyes? I love this piece. I love that you’re championing your daughter’s athleticism and tears, and emotional regulation. thank you for showing this example of women being in their bodies, powerfully and fully. We need as many of those as we can get
This is such a fantastic reflection on sports and sports players, what they can teach us about life and about ourselves, and also about having the presence to take in the lessons. Wonderful, Allison. Have you listened to this episode of We Can Do Hard Things? I think you'll like it. https://open.spotify.com/episode/4xiJ6qpqUIod8XqRqRoCQq?si=K7FrRq3YQ5SVJ4d9QNZ_zA
That was a fun story with a great message!! Kids are really fun at 10 huh??!! My daughter was cool even through middle school. The son lost his mind to hormones and didn’t re-emerge until 24 yrs old!! Anyway, I’m not a huge basketball watcher but I’m really glad women athletes are getting the respect they deserve!! Thanks for making me aware of what’s going on with women’s basketball. Sounds fun!! I might just tune in tonight. 💪
Wow, Allison. Whenever you write about your kids and your relationship with them as a sober parent, I’m truly in awe. It’s almost as though I get a dose of parenting my younger self just by reading.
As the eldest of four girls, I don’t remember having any awareness or guidance around competition. And yet, I was expected to be the best in certain ways (schoolwork rather than sports), and I was highly competitive. It’s as though I was supposed to win...but not draw attention to being competitive, which felt somehow shameful. I STILL experience shame when I feel competitive around anything.
Thank you, Dana. That means SO much to me. I say it all the time, parenting my kids (particularly my daughter) is an exercise in reparenting myself. Thank you for feeling that and acknowledging it with me.
I was NEVER an athlete - always a spectator. But I sure was able to find other ways to fiercely compete for accolades/praise/attention. Just like you mention with the schoolwork, I latched onto academics as a measure of my worthiness. I believe we ALL have competitive bones in our bodies. But we are conditioned to think it's shameful or conceitful to flex them. I love that you bring this up. I so get it.
Yes C expects alot of herself on the court and yes she has big feelings. Yes she is learning alot from watching Caitlin, Juju, Paige and Ashlee. But you Mama, she is watching you all the time. You are impressed with how in touch she is with her "big feelings"...but alot of that comes from modeling after YOU. You are her role model, she adores you and is learning much of coping skills from you. So yes thank you Caitlin, Paige, Juju and Ashlee...but thank YOU Allison for all you do to model great behaviors and teach this impressionable 10 year old to be her best self.
Well, Sha - we all know I like to cry! C sees me teary eyed all the time and I hope that gives her permission to FEEL. And YOU are making me cry right now. I'm just so grateful that C has such tremendous women to look up to (you are at the top of that list). Thank you for always reading and being there for me. xoxoxo
My thoughts exactly Sharon!
It is incredible that C is able to express her feelings so freely, she sounds like a special girl. This is no doubt because she feels safe and loved and is being shown that it’s okay to have and express your feelings- all of them.
Allison- It’s the environment YOU are modeling and creating so that maybe she doesn’t become so “domesticated” as our friend Don Miguel Ruiz would say.
Thank you, Amy. Big feelings = big heart. And isn’t that why we are here? To feel.
Appreciate you! 🫶
Snap. Allison, the fact that you are holding this space for your daughter and are unlearning the messages that might have caused you to resist her feelings, or encourage her to suppress them, is a wonderful gift. As the father of a child with big feelings I am practicing being present to them and not reacting out of my own unmet needs and insecurities.
I did not grow up in a family where sport was significant, either to play or to watch. I have often prided myself on the fact that I don't enjoy 'watching other adults exercise' but I also feel like I have missed out on some of the positive things that following and supporting a team can bring.
Thank you, Benjamin. This comment means a lot to me.
Parenting sure has stirred up a lot in me - the unlearning (and re-learning) that you speak of continues to affect me. I love that you acknowledge that you are consciously practicing the gift of witnessing and validating your kids' feelings (versus reacting to them out of your own unmet needs). Oh, I wish all parents could have the discernment to do that!
I am in a book group at the moment, reading ‘Raising Good Humans’. It is giving me plenty to think about in terms of mindfulness and presence, and how important that is both in relation to ourselves, and our own needs, and how this empowers us to be what our kids need too.
Oh, I might have to add that to my TBR pile!
Last year my 9 year old daughter developed a deep love for football. It kind of came out of nowhere although I suspect she is trying to impress my husband and my MIL. But now she has a genuine love for the game - she’s requested that her room in our new house is Miami Dolphins theme, she is also hell-bent on finding a flag football team to join. I grew up as a gymnast/swimmer/tumbler so this is new to me. I’m here for the passion though! 🙌🏻
Oh, I love this, Kezia. Football is my second favorite sport. I recall all the "Squish the Fish" antics that I heard as a kid back when my home team (Patriots) teamed up against the Dolphins in the post season. There is so much to gain from sports, as a spectator and a player. I love that your daughter is caught up in it!
Haha I'll have to share "squish the fish" with Harper! I'm not sure why she chose the Dolphins as her team, but she likes the bright blue and orange jerseys, and she's a Tua fan! I'm a hockey girl (good Canadian girl) and my team is the Dallas Stars. I got my husband into hockey when we started dating, although he's a Bruins fan. He's into most sports as a gambler and a spectator so our house is always alive with the sounds of fandom! :)
Oh I feel like our families would blend together well! That noise you describe sounds familiar!
And yes 🙌🏻 Bruins!!!
This is beautiful. Thank you so much for the shoutout, Allison! I love how your daughter FEELS it, and I appreciate how you acknowledged that’s a result of paying attention. It’s LONG, but there’s a great ESPN that dives inside the world of Caitlin Clark and Iowa’s run toward a national championship. It’s fascinating.
https://www.espn.com/womens-college-basketball/story/_/id/39740282/caitlin-clark-iowa-2024-ncaa-women-basketball-tournament-ready-march
BUT if you don’t have that much time, a Substack writer pulled some of the best excerpts from the piece: https://open.substack.com/pub/bobbyloesch/p/49-amazing-parts-from-wright-thompsons?r=8ihoc&utm_medium=ios
Alex, thanks for reading and sharing! I will definitely check out the links you provide. To say I am excited for tonight's games is an understatement!
And thank you for writing about this, too. Honestly, your essay earlier in the week helped fuel the fire for my post today.
Ah I can’t wait, we’re in for an amazing game! And I’m so happy to hear that! That’s why I write 🥲
Also, The Book of Longings is a fantastic book!
Kids learn so much from sports. Being part of a team, practice to improve, and learning to lose. Winning is more fun, but there’s less learning there. Winning is easier. Losing is hard. And losing a game can be very high emotion but most of the time it’s very low stakes. It’s great life experience.
I agree wholeheartedly, Dan. Thanks for sharing your thoughts here. Sports are delivering to me on a platter the life lessons I want my kids to feel and experience. And I’m surprising myself in how often I actually appreciate watching my kids lose. Because it’s so rich with material for growth.
I really enjoyed this essay, Allison. You should be rightfully proud of your daughter. I am not a fan or watch any spectator sports but I like all the messages you share about Caitlin Clark and your daughter's relationship to the game and to her emotions.
Thanks, Amy. I continue to be surprised at how invested and interlinked my emotions are to sports. I was never an athlete so it’s interesting to me how integral basketball is to my family. Just another way my kids are expanding me.
Who would’ve thought a piece on basketball would bring tears to my eyes? I love this piece. I love that you’re championing your daughter’s athleticism and tears, and emotional regulation. thank you for showing this example of women being in their bodies, powerfully and fully. We need as many of those as we can get
This is such a fantastic reflection on sports and sports players, what they can teach us about life and about ourselves, and also about having the presence to take in the lessons. Wonderful, Allison. Have you listened to this episode of We Can Do Hard Things? I think you'll like it. https://open.spotify.com/episode/4xiJ6qpqUIod8XqRqRoCQq?si=K7FrRq3YQ5SVJ4d9QNZ_zA
I listen to WCDHT podcast frequently but somehow I missed that one! I’ll have to listen. Thank you, Michelle! 🙏🏼
And yes - sports is littered with life lessons.
That was a fun story with a great message!! Kids are really fun at 10 huh??!! My daughter was cool even through middle school. The son lost his mind to hormones and didn’t re-emerge until 24 yrs old!! Anyway, I’m not a huge basketball watcher but I’m really glad women athletes are getting the respect they deserve!! Thanks for making me aware of what’s going on with women’s basketball. Sounds fun!! I might just tune in tonight. 💪
The "didn't re-emerge until 24 years old" made me laugh! I hear they do return. LOL
I sometimes look at my 16-year-old son and wonder, is anyone in there, hello!?!?!?
10 is GREAT. I love this age. It was a sweet spot with my son at that age, too.
I will admit - I am scared of what my daughter will bring me in middle school!!!!
As always, thanks for reading Chris!
Wow, Allison. Whenever you write about your kids and your relationship with them as a sober parent, I’m truly in awe. It’s almost as though I get a dose of parenting my younger self just by reading.
As the eldest of four girls, I don’t remember having any awareness or guidance around competition. And yet, I was expected to be the best in certain ways (schoolwork rather than sports), and I was highly competitive. It’s as though I was supposed to win...but not draw attention to being competitive, which felt somehow shameful. I STILL experience shame when I feel competitive around anything.
Thank you, Dana. That means SO much to me. I say it all the time, parenting my kids (particularly my daughter) is an exercise in reparenting myself. Thank you for feeling that and acknowledging it with me.
I was NEVER an athlete - always a spectator. But I sure was able to find other ways to fiercely compete for accolades/praise/attention. Just like you mention with the schoolwork, I latched onto academics as a measure of my worthiness. I believe we ALL have competitive bones in our bodies. But we are conditioned to think it's shameful or conceitful to flex them. I love that you bring this up. I so get it.
Thank you, Holly! These female athletes are embodying and modeling so much for all of us.
It’s fun and inspiring to watch!