Thanks Allison ✨️ I miss alcohol like I miss all of my exes... I miss the romance ...the sparkle... the way they made me feel... but at the end of the day, all of my exes are exes for a reason....I am solid in my sobriety
Congratulations!! What an special time and you get to be present and feel all of it!! Man that is such a gift. It has to feel a little surreal. I have one starting high school and it blows my mind. When they are little I feel like time went so slow lol and now I just want to hit pause!!
Thanks Amy. It hit me so hard recently- this is a kid who had a mom who was sober all four years he was in high school. What a gift I gave him and me. You’ll do the same for your kiddo!
Oh I so wish I could hit pause right now. This is such a sweet spot.
I love this! Thank you for writing this. I just had this experience when I went home to visit family I haven’t seen since I stopped drinking. It was an amazing experience and I was present for it all and that was my feeling of accomplishment at the end, I’m this kind of non-drinker.
It is an accomplishment. This feeling of self-recognition - trusting that we can really can sink into the moment un-anesthetized is what makes all the pain of untangling worth it.
Really terrific Allison. I had a very similar experience at a good friend’s annual summer party a couple of weeks ago. A party I’ve been to many times, where drinking was always at or near the center of the event. I didn’t feel at all left out, it just wasn’t what I do. Something very liberating in that.
Wow, I needed this, and I'm SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! Truly I am:) I am working really hard on being "this kind of non-drinker." Unfortunately, I still resonate more with the "that kind of drinker" thinking. I am almost to the point of sobriety (approaching 3 years) like you were when you went on the girls' trip. I felt like the "wet towel" on girls' beach weekend the past 2 years, even though they all supported my choice not to drink. (My sister even refrained from drinking, just for me! Gosh, I love her.) But I don't look forward to it like I used to. It feels like "work," and I feel like everyone is thinking, "Poor Crystal. She can't drink. It's such a shame she has a drinking problem." I REALLY want those thoughts/feelings to leave my head, but it's difficult. I love being sober, but I also miss the social aspect, especially with my husband. We're headed to the beach today, just the 2 of us, and I know he misses the hopping around to happy hours that once filled our beach days. Everyone (other sober friends) said it would still be fun 2 years ago when I was in my 1st year of sobriety... even better. Well, it wasn't. We couldn't find our groove. I'm looking forward to quality time, though, and hopefully we'll find a new fun experience this time around. (We were going to take our e-bikes, but it's supposed to rain the whole time.) Thanks again, Allison, for such helpful and meaningful essays.
Hi Crystal. I so so so so get it. My husband and I are still trying to find a new kind of consistent groove. It's hard. Because there WERE good, fun moments sprinkled in there. But when I feel reminiscent about that and lean into the romanticizing and the reel of "oh wouldn't it be nice if....." I remind myself of all the pain that would be waiting for me the next morning. Not just the hangover but the piecing together of the riffs we had or the wondering why I said what I said or what did our kids think of us being tipsy, etc.
At some point, and likely you won't even notice it happening, it will go from feeling like work to just feeling like "now." Now this is me and I just don't drink anymore. A gradual shift and click into your new "normal". And until it does, know that you are not alone! So many of us are here nodding along because we get it.
I hope you and your husband had a great day at the beach!
Thank you SO much for your reply. I could literally almost cry hearing you explain my thoughts & feelings so spot on. It's really comforting knowing that I'm not alone. Today is our last day at the beach. We had a WONDERFUL time! We shopped, ate, walked around looking at the sights, and then shopped and ate some more:) The 1st restaurant we went to had mocktails at the top of the menu. The TOP! They are usually hidden somewhere on the bottom or on the back of the menu. I didn't miss drinking alcoholic beverages at all... at all! In fact, I even chose a restaurant where I knew my husband could get his favorite beer and felt comfortable with him drinking it. This was a break-through couples vacation for us... the 1st enjoyable vacation since I chose sobriety. I truly feel that reading your essay right before my trip was exactly what I needed and helped prepare me for a positive experience. Thanks a million!
Oh Crystal, now I have tears of gratitude in my eyes. It makes me so happy to hear how nourishing and connecting your beach trip was. We can sink into new experiences and still protect, honor and (dare I say) LIKE our sobriety. Thanks for coming back and sharing this with us. And YES, mocktails are making it to the top of menus! I'm witnessing that, too!!! xoxoxo
Beautiful. Your words always find me in divine timing. The world is tough and moving so fast ... moving slow and slowing down to even take a moment to discover how we feel is hard ... albeit, sometimes it can feel like it's not even allowed. I've heard it said before, in sobriety, sometimes it feels like a secret I wish the world could know .... we are built to feel all the feels! Yet, we spend so much time avoiding them, fearing them, NOT honoring them, or not having time for them! What an amazing time for you and your family! I went to a conference with a work colleague early this week, we drove together. Two minutes into the ride I asked her about why she had adopted her sister's two grandchildren... burning question that there was never the right time to ask at work. When she told me her story, I wept. I wept for the pain those innocent children have already gone through, and I wept for the honor of knowing someone who cared so deeply for her family, that she could step in such a remarkable way that will change the trajectory of these children's lives. I shared with her some of my experiences. We connected on a new level. All that to say, we rob ourselves of so much when we don't allow ourselves to be vulnerable, present and feel it all. The connections we develop with other people in our lives when we are authentic are so much deeper. Sending you all the love, friend. Soak up every sacred minute of this 18th summer. Thank you for sharing your gifts with this world!
Oh, I love every word of this Judy. Vulnerability is truly a superpower. We have such greater access to it when we live a life of sobriety. What a lovely connective drive with your colleague. Walls come down and hearts get lifted.
Thanks for sharing this here, my friend. I so appreciate you.
this is where betrayal ends..."This is me not feeling like I lost something." Amen, sister.
Oh Elena, yes. No more self-betrayal. 🙏🏼
Thanks Allison ✨️ I miss alcohol like I miss all of my exes... I miss the romance ...the sparkle... the way they made me feel... but at the end of the day, all of my exes are exes for a reason....I am solid in my sobriety
I love this analogy, April! I broke up with alcohol for a reason, a VERY good reason!
Congratulations!! What an special time and you get to be present and feel all of it!! Man that is such a gift. It has to feel a little surreal. I have one starting high school and it blows my mind. When they are little I feel like time went so slow lol and now I just want to hit pause!!
Thanks Amy. It hit me so hard recently- this is a kid who had a mom who was sober all four years he was in high school. What a gift I gave him and me. You’ll do the same for your kiddo!
Oh I so wish I could hit pause right now. This is such a sweet spot.
I love this! Thank you for writing this. I just had this experience when I went home to visit family I haven’t seen since I stopped drinking. It was an amazing experience and I was present for it all and that was my feeling of accomplishment at the end, I’m this kind of non-drinker.
Smiling so big for you Zipporah!!!
It is an accomplishment. This feeling of self-recognition - trusting that we can really can sink into the moment un-anesthetized is what makes all the pain of untangling worth it.
Thanks for sharing that, here. 🫶
My daughter also just graduated and I can relate to so much of this. 💕
Such a tender spot. Re-writing and re-wiring how we show up to it now is so liberating.
Congrats to you & your daughter!
It is such a wonderful feeling and well-deserved fist bump in the air , if only to ourselves, when we are THAT kind of non-drinker. Yay, Allison!
Thanks, Amy! High fives and fist bumps all around!
Just being in it 💕
Yes, that's it right there.
Really terrific Allison. I had a very similar experience at a good friend’s annual summer party a couple of weeks ago. A party I’ve been to many times, where drinking was always at or near the center of the event. I didn’t feel at all left out, it just wasn’t what I do. Something very liberating in that.
"It just wasn't what I do." Simple yet so profound. Absolute liberation.
Thanks, Larry. It's so nice to have others to turn to who get it.
Wow, I needed this, and I'm SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! Truly I am:) I am working really hard on being "this kind of non-drinker." Unfortunately, I still resonate more with the "that kind of drinker" thinking. I am almost to the point of sobriety (approaching 3 years) like you were when you went on the girls' trip. I felt like the "wet towel" on girls' beach weekend the past 2 years, even though they all supported my choice not to drink. (My sister even refrained from drinking, just for me! Gosh, I love her.) But I don't look forward to it like I used to. It feels like "work," and I feel like everyone is thinking, "Poor Crystal. She can't drink. It's such a shame she has a drinking problem." I REALLY want those thoughts/feelings to leave my head, but it's difficult. I love being sober, but I also miss the social aspect, especially with my husband. We're headed to the beach today, just the 2 of us, and I know he misses the hopping around to happy hours that once filled our beach days. Everyone (other sober friends) said it would still be fun 2 years ago when I was in my 1st year of sobriety... even better. Well, it wasn't. We couldn't find our groove. I'm looking forward to quality time, though, and hopefully we'll find a new fun experience this time around. (We were going to take our e-bikes, but it's supposed to rain the whole time.) Thanks again, Allison, for such helpful and meaningful essays.
Hi Crystal. I so so so so get it. My husband and I are still trying to find a new kind of consistent groove. It's hard. Because there WERE good, fun moments sprinkled in there. But when I feel reminiscent about that and lean into the romanticizing and the reel of "oh wouldn't it be nice if....." I remind myself of all the pain that would be waiting for me the next morning. Not just the hangover but the piecing together of the riffs we had or the wondering why I said what I said or what did our kids think of us being tipsy, etc.
At some point, and likely you won't even notice it happening, it will go from feeling like work to just feeling like "now." Now this is me and I just don't drink anymore. A gradual shift and click into your new "normal". And until it does, know that you are not alone! So many of us are here nodding along because we get it.
I hope you and your husband had a great day at the beach!
Thank you SO much for your reply. I could literally almost cry hearing you explain my thoughts & feelings so spot on. It's really comforting knowing that I'm not alone. Today is our last day at the beach. We had a WONDERFUL time! We shopped, ate, walked around looking at the sights, and then shopped and ate some more:) The 1st restaurant we went to had mocktails at the top of the menu. The TOP! They are usually hidden somewhere on the bottom or on the back of the menu. I didn't miss drinking alcoholic beverages at all... at all! In fact, I even chose a restaurant where I knew my husband could get his favorite beer and felt comfortable with him drinking it. This was a break-through couples vacation for us... the 1st enjoyable vacation since I chose sobriety. I truly feel that reading your essay right before my trip was exactly what I needed and helped prepare me for a positive experience. Thanks a million!
Oh Crystal, now I have tears of gratitude in my eyes. It makes me so happy to hear how nourishing and connecting your beach trip was. We can sink into new experiences and still protect, honor and (dare I say) LIKE our sobriety. Thanks for coming back and sharing this with us. And YES, mocktails are making it to the top of menus! I'm witnessing that, too!!! xoxoxo
Love never fails🌾❤️
Ps I'm a former addict
Never
What a beautiful first, Allison. From THAT kind to THIS kind, as self and world rearrange, lots of love. ❤️
YES! I love that. It's a clicking into place.
Thanks, Dana.
Beautiful. Your words always find me in divine timing. The world is tough and moving so fast ... moving slow and slowing down to even take a moment to discover how we feel is hard ... albeit, sometimes it can feel like it's not even allowed. I've heard it said before, in sobriety, sometimes it feels like a secret I wish the world could know .... we are built to feel all the feels! Yet, we spend so much time avoiding them, fearing them, NOT honoring them, or not having time for them! What an amazing time for you and your family! I went to a conference with a work colleague early this week, we drove together. Two minutes into the ride I asked her about why she had adopted her sister's two grandchildren... burning question that there was never the right time to ask at work. When she told me her story, I wept. I wept for the pain those innocent children have already gone through, and I wept for the honor of knowing someone who cared so deeply for her family, that she could step in such a remarkable way that will change the trajectory of these children's lives. I shared with her some of my experiences. We connected on a new level. All that to say, we rob ourselves of so much when we don't allow ourselves to be vulnerable, present and feel it all. The connections we develop with other people in our lives when we are authentic are so much deeper. Sending you all the love, friend. Soak up every sacred minute of this 18th summer. Thank you for sharing your gifts with this world!
Oh, I love every word of this Judy. Vulnerability is truly a superpower. We have such greater access to it when we live a life of sobriety. What a lovely connective drive with your colleague. Walls come down and hearts get lifted.
Thanks for sharing this here, my friend. I so appreciate you.