“Living in the next and not in the now” was how I lived pre-sobriety, over 5 years ago. The journey of self acceptance and forgiveness I’ve been on since the moment I chose me has allowed me to see the beauty and magic in staying present. Each moment is a gift, and today, I live my life knowing this wholeheartedly. Sobriety is true freedom.
“It’s lonely when you are the only one grieving without a numbing agent. “
This hit me hard. It’s raw and true and I’ve lived it too.
Big hugs as you round the corner of another 4th without your Dad. Holidays are rough on the grieving.
Such a sober power move to leave the gathering early. Way to protect your sobriety. I could see the kids in the back laughing and joking and I could feel your relief up in the driver’s seat, cuz that’s where you were, my friend.
Beautifully written, Allison. Your hard earned wisdom is gonna help people stay sober this weekend.
What a fantastic post! Thank you for sharing. Summertime gatherings are harder than other seasons for me too - like alcohol is better suited on the beach and daydrinking was invented for July 4th. I love your analogies and visual descriptions - I will savor them this summer. 💜
Thanks for reading and sharing here, Katie. For years I followed the mantra, drink in my hand/feet in the sands. I never knew what I was missing. There is so much more on this side of it. I love meeting others who “get it”.
This was so relatable for me. Brought me back to after my son died 15 years ago and I became acutely aware that alcohol was not going to serve me. People were handing me pills like candy and I said no to all drugs and alcohol for the next seven years. Going through the grief and loss of a child without any numbing agents although hard, a believe me I found others, was also the best choice I could’ve made. I too had to find a new normal and was able to do it with I believe greater presence as a result of that choice. Thank you Allison for such a Poignant essay. Your writings are always spot on!
Feeling it all, having the pain rip through without reaching for drugs or alcohol, is (I believe) a necessary step in the grief process. Grief is screaming at us for attention and if we try to mute it, I think it just grows bigger. At least that’s been my experience.
So beautifully, honestly, vulnerably written, Allison. And with your usual verve and originality of phrase that I so enjoy. But aside from the wonderful writing, the message here is SO important. I got sober in February 2021 and there were so many firsts that first year of sobriety, "first birthday," "first vacation," "first Fourth of July," "first visit to Paris" to visit my daughter and watch them enjoy the Sancerre while I sadly looked down at my sparkling water, yet the sadness was momentary because I looked around at all the people I loved in that room and I didn't want to be numb to any of that love. Or to any of my life. It is hard, it is brave, and one of the best decisions of my life.
And yes - all the firsts during year 1 present their own challenges. The feeling of deprivation does pass. And slowly, what creeps in is that deep appreciation that you point out. Being fully awake to life and all its moments is the greatest gift of a sober life. The best kind of hard I know!
Summer...so much temptations to drink, with beach days, fun cocktails and frozen drinks, patio bars, cook outs. Sometimes I feel like im being left out of the good times. But then I think how much better I am now 2+ years sober. I now remember all my beach days and cook outs. I still enjoy them and...i dont feel like shit the day after.
Its not easy being sober, and in my opinion, especially in the summer. But I am really not missing out on anything by being sober. If anything, I'm gaining so much.
The benefits of a sober life far outweigh the appeal of drinking. I do miss the comradery, though. We just gotta find out badass sober cobras to reflect back to us how awesome we are. 💪🏻🐍
There’s a song by Jason Isbell called It Gets Easier that rings so true to me. It’s about sobriety and the main refrain goes: It gets easier but it never gets easy.
“Living in the next and not in the now” was how I lived pre-sobriety, over 5 years ago. The journey of self acceptance and forgiveness I’ve been on since the moment I chose me has allowed me to see the beauty and magic in staying present. Each moment is a gift, and today, I live my life knowing this wholeheartedly. Sobriety is true freedom.
Thank you for this post. It’s beautiful. 🖤🖤
Thank you, Kelly. I needed those words today. 💚
“It’s lonely when you are the only one grieving without a numbing agent. “
This hit me hard. It’s raw and true and I’ve lived it too.
Big hugs as you round the corner of another 4th without your Dad. Holidays are rough on the grieving.
Such a sober power move to leave the gathering early. Way to protect your sobriety. I could see the kids in the back laughing and joking and I could feel your relief up in the driver’s seat, cuz that’s where you were, my friend.
Beautifully written, Allison. Your hard earned wisdom is gonna help people stay sober this weekend.
Rosemary - thank you for this. Your heartfelt comment truly means more than you know. ❤️
Here’s to both of us being in the driver’s seat of our lives. I’m so grateful sobriety introduced me to you.
Thinking of you this holiday week/weekend. I know summer hasn’t been easy so far on you and your family. Stay close 🫶
I just wrote about preparing for the 4th! Glad you made it through and stronger this year ♥️
Oh I look forward to reading yours. It’s important we talk about this and cheer each other on.
Here’s to our own personal freedom! 💪🏻
What a fantastic post! Thank you for sharing. Summertime gatherings are harder than other seasons for me too - like alcohol is better suited on the beach and daydrinking was invented for July 4th. I love your analogies and visual descriptions - I will savor them this summer. 💜
Thanks for reading and sharing here, Katie. For years I followed the mantra, drink in my hand/feet in the sands. I never knew what I was missing. There is so much more on this side of it. I love meeting others who “get it”.
😎🫶
This was so relatable for me. Brought me back to after my son died 15 years ago and I became acutely aware that alcohol was not going to serve me. People were handing me pills like candy and I said no to all drugs and alcohol for the next seven years. Going through the grief and loss of a child without any numbing agents although hard, a believe me I found others, was also the best choice I could’ve made. I too had to find a new normal and was able to do it with I believe greater presence as a result of that choice. Thank you Allison for such a Poignant essay. Your writings are always spot on!
Thank you, Judy. 🙏🏼
Feeling it all, having the pain rip through without reaching for drugs or alcohol, is (I believe) a necessary step in the grief process. Grief is screaming at us for attention and if we try to mute it, I think it just grows bigger. At least that’s been my experience.
I so appreciate you, Judy. 🫶
Yes indeed. It couldn’t agree more. Right back at you sister
So beautifully, honestly, vulnerably written, Allison. And with your usual verve and originality of phrase that I so enjoy. But aside from the wonderful writing, the message here is SO important. I got sober in February 2021 and there were so many firsts that first year of sobriety, "first birthday," "first vacation," "first Fourth of July," "first visit to Paris" to visit my daughter and watch them enjoy the Sancerre while I sadly looked down at my sparkling water, yet the sadness was momentary because I looked around at all the people I loved in that room and I didn't want to be numb to any of that love. Or to any of my life. It is hard, it is brave, and one of the best decisions of my life.
Thanks for this, Amy. 🙏🏼
And yes - all the firsts during year 1 present their own challenges. The feeling of deprivation does pass. And slowly, what creeps in is that deep appreciation that you point out. Being fully awake to life and all its moments is the greatest gift of a sober life. The best kind of hard I know!
Always happy to share alongside you. 🫶
“It’s lonely when you are the only one grieving without a numbing agent.”
Everything in life is lonely when you’re the only one.
Gratitude for your continued journey 🙏
Gratitude for finding you on this sober journey, Dee. Thanks 🙏🏼
Summer...so much temptations to drink, with beach days, fun cocktails and frozen drinks, patio bars, cook outs. Sometimes I feel like im being left out of the good times. But then I think how much better I am now 2+ years sober. I now remember all my beach days and cook outs. I still enjoy them and...i dont feel like shit the day after.
Its not easy being sober, and in my opinion, especially in the summer. But I am really not missing out on anything by being sober. If anything, I'm gaining so much.
The benefits of a sober life far outweigh the appeal of drinking. I do miss the comradery, though. We just gotta find out badass sober cobras to reflect back to us how awesome we are. 💪🏻🐍
There’s a song by Jason Isbell called It Gets Easier that rings so true to me. It’s about sobriety and the main refrain goes: It gets easier but it never gets easy.
Love having you by my side through this, Sha ❤️😘