What a wonderful trip with your son! I especially loved reading about the chapel visit:) Your story took me down memory lane... some great memories and some not so great. The great memories are the college orientations with my adopted son (summer of 2022, about 1 month after he moved in) and the overnight stay at Penn State main campus for my biological son's orientation (summer of 2023, transferring from our local campus to main) with the whole family. The not so good part is that I wasn't sober during the summer of 2022. There were several "dark" moments until I finally quit in November of that year. I still carry shame, but thankfully the "new" memories are clouding those thoughts/mental pictures a bit. What I desire nowadays are spontateous moments with my sons, bike rides with my husband, and opportunites to be "bored." Ha ha Yes, I'm trying to embrace the idea of relaxing and enjoying the quiet times, just time with myself (and my dogs, of course). A few nights ago my 22 year old son asked if I wanted to watch to few episodes of Anime with him. I literally just had to up the name of the show (Oshi no Ko), because I can never remember it. Would I normally choose to watch this show? No. Do I watch it with my son to get some "quality" time? Absolutely! It's cute to hear his commentary and see him actually get emotional at certain parts. It reminds of the sweet, sentimental young man he is:) I'm wishing your son a FANTASTIC 1st year at college!
Thank you, Crystal. For the well wishes and for sharing your desires here. I also take every opportunity I can to step into my kids’ worlds - pay attention to what grabs their attention. It matters to them when we do. The way you described your experience with your son made me think about how the special sauce in doing it is us witnessing them - in their own full animation over something they love or desire.
Those kind of light moments will cover over the dark moments we let linger. Light is always stronger than dark. 🤍✨
And yes to boredom! I love a wide open boring day. Left to wander and wonder. Those are the best kinds!
Allison, how much these words in your intro spoke to me: ‘I forget that "the first duty of love is to listen.”1 Our voices get lost in the day-to-day shuffle through life.’ How happy I am that you’ve pressed pause and it is yielding such meaningful conversations and connections with your son. And I remember this essay on desire so well. Desire is up for me too right now as I finally start to feel so much better, able to desire life and feel it desiring my participation. No longer on the sidelines in the cool dark of healing my body, I’m back in the sunshine, desire coursing through my veins. It feels so good.😊
Oh Amy!! Desire never left you and now it’s energized again. I’m so happy to hear you can participate more fully with it. Desire desires YOU. What you want wants you.
Yes, go get it my friend! Dance with desire. Xoxoxo
So beautiful imagining you and your son in the chapel, Allison. ❤️
Faith and staying tethered to something bigger have been on my heart lately. I feel as though I’m in a liminal place - having let go of things (particularly around "success" and "ambition") but no longer having any footing or ground to stand on in their place. And part of me is still going through the old motions because I don’t know what else to do or how else to be yet. David Whyte’s poem feels deeply resonant right now: https://grateful.org/resource/faith/
Oh yes. My boyfriend David 😉always tethers me to something bigger and grander than what I’m grappling with or distracted by. Thank you for leaving that link here. I needed a re-visit.
You articulate so well what I’m also feeling lately. I sort of feel like I have one foot in and one foot out. Not quite *here* yet but done with over there.
One foot in, one out... Me too. So much. Historically, my default has been to push through (even if it meant ending up somewhere I didn’t actually want to be). But this time, I’m mostly just sitting in it - and trying to find peace in the not knowing.
Hugs and hearts to you, Allison. All part of this wondrous ride... ❤️
Allison, I loved this post back in 2024, and it's even more germane to my life now. I'm so glad you're making these memories with your son and family this summer. Their power and impact for you is evident, and it's beautiful to see.
I can’t quite name it yet, but this post pulled strongly at my emotions this morning. That’s a rare thing. Thanks for continuing to share your journey.
What a wonderful trip with your son! I especially loved reading about the chapel visit:) Your story took me down memory lane... some great memories and some not so great. The great memories are the college orientations with my adopted son (summer of 2022, about 1 month after he moved in) and the overnight stay at Penn State main campus for my biological son's orientation (summer of 2023, transferring from our local campus to main) with the whole family. The not so good part is that I wasn't sober during the summer of 2022. There were several "dark" moments until I finally quit in November of that year. I still carry shame, but thankfully the "new" memories are clouding those thoughts/mental pictures a bit. What I desire nowadays are spontateous moments with my sons, bike rides with my husband, and opportunites to be "bored." Ha ha Yes, I'm trying to embrace the idea of relaxing and enjoying the quiet times, just time with myself (and my dogs, of course). A few nights ago my 22 year old son asked if I wanted to watch to few episodes of Anime with him. I literally just had to up the name of the show (Oshi no Ko), because I can never remember it. Would I normally choose to watch this show? No. Do I watch it with my son to get some "quality" time? Absolutely! It's cute to hear his commentary and see him actually get emotional at certain parts. It reminds of the sweet, sentimental young man he is:) I'm wishing your son a FANTASTIC 1st year at college!
Thank you, Crystal. For the well wishes and for sharing your desires here. I also take every opportunity I can to step into my kids’ worlds - pay attention to what grabs their attention. It matters to them when we do. The way you described your experience with your son made me think about how the special sauce in doing it is us witnessing them - in their own full animation over something they love or desire.
Those kind of light moments will cover over the dark moments we let linger. Light is always stronger than dark. 🤍✨
And yes to boredom! I love a wide open boring day. Left to wander and wonder. Those are the best kinds!
Allison, how much these words in your intro spoke to me: ‘I forget that "the first duty of love is to listen.”1 Our voices get lost in the day-to-day shuffle through life.’ How happy I am that you’ve pressed pause and it is yielding such meaningful conversations and connections with your son. And I remember this essay on desire so well. Desire is up for me too right now as I finally start to feel so much better, able to desire life and feel it desiring my participation. No longer on the sidelines in the cool dark of healing my body, I’m back in the sunshine, desire coursing through my veins. It feels so good.😊
Oh Amy!! Desire never left you and now it’s energized again. I’m so happy to hear you can participate more fully with it. Desire desires YOU. What you want wants you.
Yes, go get it my friend! Dance with desire. Xoxoxo
So beautiful imagining you and your son in the chapel, Allison. ❤️
Faith and staying tethered to something bigger have been on my heart lately. I feel as though I’m in a liminal place - having let go of things (particularly around "success" and "ambition") but no longer having any footing or ground to stand on in their place. And part of me is still going through the old motions because I don’t know what else to do or how else to be yet. David Whyte’s poem feels deeply resonant right now: https://grateful.org/resource/faith/
Oh yes. My boyfriend David 😉always tethers me to something bigger and grander than what I’m grappling with or distracted by. Thank you for leaving that link here. I needed a re-visit.
You articulate so well what I’m also feeling lately. I sort of feel like I have one foot in and one foot out. Not quite *here* yet but done with over there.
{*sigh*}. I get it.
Thanks for being here, Dana. 🙏🏼
One foot in, one out... Me too. So much. Historically, my default has been to push through (even if it meant ending up somewhere I didn’t actually want to be). But this time, I’m mostly just sitting in it - and trying to find peace in the not knowing.
Hugs and hearts to you, Allison. All part of this wondrous ride... ❤️
So beautiful 🙏🏼
Thank you, my friend xoxo
Allison, I loved this post back in 2024, and it's even more germane to my life now. I'm so glad you're making these memories with your son and family this summer. Their power and impact for you is evident, and it's beautiful to see.
Thank you, Elisabeth. I appreciate you walking though it with me again. Happy to hear it aligns with your current season. Love when that happens.
xoxo
Really loved (and needed) this post. Thank you!
Thanks Samantha. I really appreciate that.
I love when the right words land on the right people. 🫶
I can’t quite name it yet, but this post pulled strongly at my emotions this morning. That’s a rare thing. Thanks for continuing to share your journey.
Thanks for letting me know, Benjamin. Sounds like something is there that is ready to come up.
Appreciate you.