Allison, I will gratefully meet you in this field beyond wrongdoing and rightdoing over the next 12 weeks. What a gorgeous invitation that feels right on time. My non-linear recovery story took root in the rooms of AA many years ago, and although I’ve bloomed in alternative directions in recent years, I like to dip my toes back in every so often and note how similarly or differently things land. I find tremendous wisdom and room for interpretation in the 12 Steps. I love this idea of challenging myself in this safe, explorative space of yours. And not only did you include some of my most-treasured quotes and passages here, but I already own most of these books—including a (still blank!) “The Shadow Work Journal” that I purchased last summer. Thank you, Allison. Your words and invitations are a true gift. 🙏🏻
So glad you will come along to meander in this field with us, Jenny! I know you will offer so much of yourself here. Thank you. You're so insightful and I feel such resonance with the non-linear nature of living that you lean into.
Thank you for affirming my gut feeling that there IS such room for interpretation in the 12 steps. I know this will be challenging for me AND I feel it is the right time. So, let's do this!
The Shadow Work journal is AMAZING! Bring on the dark! We can trust the light will find its way to us. We need to acknowledge BOTH.
I need another cup of coffee. Your adventure challenges me. I woke up three times starting at 1am. By 3:35 I wondered if like Tuesday would I have one of those unusual dreams about people I haven't seen in years. I thought si be it. You've heard the words,"and your old men will dream dreams ". I am that man. I did dream of a pastor who was and executive leader of the church security staff, that I served under.
May 30th will be my three year anniversary of being free from alcohol. I took the program "HabitsV2 " by Kevin O'Hara. It is an alternative to AA. The program lasts a year.
Two people stand out in prompting me to quit both had quit drinking three years before. Now it's my turn.
Early in my sobriety I tried to re-connect with that boy running a cattle ranch wile dad was shrinking heads in the big city. I used music and shared this adventure with my new wife. There was an emptiness in my heart which came and went. I turned it over to God and discovered a doctor of my dad's era Pauline Boss who coined the turm ambiguous loss. I stamped a label on that which was bothering me and moved on. Onwards and upward as Kevin would say.
This is all the time I have now. I will check with you again soon.
Conrad - thank you so much for sharing this here. I appreciate your acknowledgment of the challenge in "it all." That, for me, is what sobriety has delivered me to. Circumstances, memories, emotions that challenge me. I haven't heard of "HabitsV2" but am intrigued. I believe there are many roads to recovery and sobriety and test driving to see what works is the way to do it!
Congrats on, what is almost, 3 years! That's tremendous. It sounds like you have a lot to offer in this challenge, if you're up for it.
The ambiguous loss you are referencing, ooof. I get that and feel it's presence in me, too. Grief work, in many different shades, has littered my recovery.
Thanks for these reflections, Conrad. I hope you'll come back.
I do not know what capacity I will have to write much, but know that I will be here, quietly (or not so quietly, ha) reading and absorbing, pondering and processing. I attended AA meetings during my first stint of sobriety-from 2017-2019. I never quite connected for various reasons, but I have often thought working through the steps would be so beneficial. Thank you for this offering, dear, brave and wise friend.
Reading, absorbing, pondering, processing - oftentimes that’s more powerful than writing. Please know in whatever capacity you are here, you are held my friend.
I would like to be part of this as well. I am a life long learner on how to find inner peace and unlock my behaviors that prevent me from my true essence. Always seeking truth yet the self destructive behaviors(people pleasing) always take me off course. Looking forward to gaining more wisdom.
Hi Margaret! So glad you are here and I’m thrilled you want to join in.
People pleasing - you’re talking my language. Ugh - the pull of it is so hard to untangle from. I think growth and that true essence we all deserve and aspire to step in and step from starts with self-awareness. I hear a lot of that in your comment. 🫶
Fantastic contribution, Allison. I'm happy to find your little corner of the cyber world, something we didn't have when I sobered up. Back then, we YPAAs drove a few of the AA "purists" a bit batty with our wild ideas of shadow work, etc., but most of us kept coming back, continue to practice these principles, and I count myself SO blessed to have 100s of friends I've met trudging this road of happy destiny. Hopefully many more decades to trudge ahead for all of us, in 24 hr segments.
I'll accept your challenge to write more, out loud, and I'd be down for a Zoom or having some folks join our Telegram Group called "Alcoholics (not entirely) Anonymous" https://t.me/+ea3wCE65c6RmOWUx . "Not entirely", simply because we ARE online so neither security, nor anonymity will ever be guaranteed. Meetings on Telegram are forever free.
Take care. Looking forward to the conversation :-)
Thanks for being here and sharing Johnny! Nice to connect here.
It’s so great - all the areas sober folks can find each other these days. I love how you call this the “road of happy destiny.” 🫶 We walk the road in 24 hr segments. Yes!!!
I love that you’re up for writing and recovery out loud! 📣
Do you have a Zoom room to set up a regular meeting, or are you on Telegram and would you like to try it there?
I’m all for having meetings, live or online, because that’s where the juice flows. Being one who grew up in Alcoholics Anonymous, strongly sponsored and directed to follow the 12 steps precisely as they are written and articulated in the textbook, I recognize there is a distinct difference between the program and the fellowship. I love both, but the program is the solution. Meetings are the fellowship and it’s so awesome. The energy that happens between us all when we get together is magical, and it can also sometimes be messy.
I would love to go to Vancouver for the 90th anniversary at the International convention this summer, but I don’t think that’s gonna work out. I do look forward to finding out if God sees fit to keep me sober until August 27, and then I get to find out about the possibility of celebrating 40 continuous years without drinking. Well, without wanting to, because the true miracle is, he’s just simply removed my desire to drink. So that takes away my capacity to claim any credit for it because it is truly just something God did for me, that I could not do for myself.
A combination of magical and messy sounds about right. The energy when meeting and connecting in real time is the secret sauce. I agree with you, there.
Though to be clear - this space I’m offering as part of this intensive or challenge to “step into the steps” is not following the program to a “T” (in fact, it’s encouraging others to think a bit differently about tailoring the steps to them/to individual ailments and not just alcohol).
Anyway, I do want to gather by Zoom later in the Challenge but it will be open to only paid subscribers, in an effort to offer a safe container for folks who are walking through this exploration together.
I'm definitely in and looking forward to it! I haven't done the 12 steps in the traditional way, but I read through them with a group of friends I met in AA. I no longer attend AA meetings after being called out for not having a sponsor and not using the word alcoholic, so I'm happy to be here in a safe place with no judgment. I've heard great things about Breathing Under Water, so I'll be glad to hear your thoughts on it. Thank you for doing this! :)
Allison - inspiring. I have found great comfort in working the 12 steps this past year - and I now understand why it’s a lifelong practice. It’s not just a way to help one stay sober. It’s about discovering peace within yourself. I struggled with who I was as a person and there were things that kept me stuck in the first few years of sobriety - causing me to relapse in other ways. The steps have allowed me to find my way back to myself. I’m excited to follow along for the next 12 weeks with you. The growth never stops 🩷
“The steps have allowed me to find my way back to myself”. I love that. Isn’t this the ultimate goal? What we are all really after if we peel things back and get honest. We want to be ourselves. It’s that simple yet we humans insist on complicating it. And, it is so easy for us all to get lost along the way.
Such a lovely and generous piece, Allison. This, "and if I’ve learned anything in sobriety it is to pay attention." So much yes. I love that you're working the 12 steps through experience and writing that experience down to share with us. I look forward to reading it all. xo
Yesterday was 4 years for me. I quit right after spring break 2021. I will be 46 in less than a month and I feel every single word of what you said in this piece and so yes sis I am in!! I have to tell you that this morning as I was scrolling through Substack looking for a read- part of my routine- I was feeling meh. I don’t really read a lot of “sobriety” pieces right now. So I thought, let me see what my girl Allison has been up to, she usually gets me connected to something in myself and what did I find- this piece! Right on time lol. 💛👯♀️
Amy - this note from you made my heart burst open. Thank you 🙏🏼
Seems you and I are aligned in many ways. No matter how wonky and shaky things can get in sobriety, I always trust that I will find my way to “my” people. You are most certainly one of them!
Allison, your writing finds me right on time. I am grappling with the addictive part of me, the what I have done (before sobriety) and what I mean to do next (as a sober soul.) I too have two children on this earth, five and half years apart, a boy and a girl. My 19 year old a freshman this year, my 14 year old headed to high school. I have resisted AA, my father sober with AA for over 30 years. He is dedicated to the big book but not truly sober, IMHO. It was as if he abandoned the bar for meetings and nothing else changed. AA creates an undercurrent of anger and yet the 12 steps do not. I have participated in ACOA in the past, I am familiar with the steps and terrified of them. I am joining you in this. I thank you for it.
Caretaking, as addictive as alcohol…ouch and nausea and yes please. I am a healthcare provider and yes the fear of not going to work to give, to be needed, feels exactly the same as not drinking (in the beginning.) I have noticed as of late, I do not feel pride in my AF lifestyle but guilt and shame. I am looking to renew that pride, that desire to celebrate such an achievement and thankful for this offering. The spiritual quest is so welcome. I’ve said too much.
MKaye - there is no "too much" here. All of this is welcome, and I thank you for sharing it.
I hear a lot of self-awareness in your words here. I admire that. You put words (that make total sense) to the WHY you have resisted AA. "Familiar with the steps and terrified of them." That's powerful and I'm so glad you will be here to go through them, gently (toe-dip!) if need be. The dedication it takes to abstain from alcohol is commendable AND that does not make someone sober. The "nothing else changed" is hard, right?
Yeah, the caretaking as an addictive behavior to soothe something that is lacking. It's where I need to do some serious inventory. Personally, I think I am a bit spiritually starving. I look forward to where this will take me (though also nervous as hell).
A wonderful and generous initiative, Alison. I am in. I am in because I am curious to peel back the layers of my automatic thought on reading this: I am firmly, happily sober for 4 years now and no other addictions plague me right now. Ha! As you say, that is a bit of denial at play. Certainly the Mark Nepo caregiver quote landed for me too. So I’m happy to take a look at the lurking obssesions in my life now to see what they have to teach me.
Allison, I will gratefully meet you in this field beyond wrongdoing and rightdoing over the next 12 weeks. What a gorgeous invitation that feels right on time. My non-linear recovery story took root in the rooms of AA many years ago, and although I’ve bloomed in alternative directions in recent years, I like to dip my toes back in every so often and note how similarly or differently things land. I find tremendous wisdom and room for interpretation in the 12 Steps. I love this idea of challenging myself in this safe, explorative space of yours. And not only did you include some of my most-treasured quotes and passages here, but I already own most of these books—including a (still blank!) “The Shadow Work Journal” that I purchased last summer. Thank you, Allison. Your words and invitations are a true gift. 🙏🏻
So glad you will come along to meander in this field with us, Jenny! I know you will offer so much of yourself here. Thank you. You're so insightful and I feel such resonance with the non-linear nature of living that you lean into.
Thank you for affirming my gut feeling that there IS such room for interpretation in the 12 steps. I know this will be challenging for me AND I feel it is the right time. So, let's do this!
The Shadow Work journal is AMAZING! Bring on the dark! We can trust the light will find its way to us. We need to acknowledge BOTH.
Excited to wander these fields with you Jenny💗
I need another cup of coffee. Your adventure challenges me. I woke up three times starting at 1am. By 3:35 I wondered if like Tuesday would I have one of those unusual dreams about people I haven't seen in years. I thought si be it. You've heard the words,"and your old men will dream dreams ". I am that man. I did dream of a pastor who was and executive leader of the church security staff, that I served under.
May 30th will be my three year anniversary of being free from alcohol. I took the program "HabitsV2 " by Kevin O'Hara. It is an alternative to AA. The program lasts a year.
Two people stand out in prompting me to quit both had quit drinking three years before. Now it's my turn.
Early in my sobriety I tried to re-connect with that boy running a cattle ranch wile dad was shrinking heads in the big city. I used music and shared this adventure with my new wife. There was an emptiness in my heart which came and went. I turned it over to God and discovered a doctor of my dad's era Pauline Boss who coined the turm ambiguous loss. I stamped a label on that which was bothering me and moved on. Onwards and upward as Kevin would say.
This is all the time I have now. I will check with you again soon.
Conrad - thank you so much for sharing this here. I appreciate your acknowledgment of the challenge in "it all." That, for me, is what sobriety has delivered me to. Circumstances, memories, emotions that challenge me. I haven't heard of "HabitsV2" but am intrigued. I believe there are many roads to recovery and sobriety and test driving to see what works is the way to do it!
Congrats on, what is almost, 3 years! That's tremendous. It sounds like you have a lot to offer in this challenge, if you're up for it.
The ambiguous loss you are referencing, ooof. I get that and feel it's presence in me, too. Grief work, in many different shades, has littered my recovery.
Thanks for these reflections, Conrad. I hope you'll come back.
Did my sponsor put you up to this ? To finally Crack open the workbook ?
HAHAHA! Sorry (not sorry) Chris. Glad you are here.
I do not know what capacity I will have to write much, but know that I will be here, quietly (or not so quietly, ha) reading and absorbing, pondering and processing. I attended AA meetings during my first stint of sobriety-from 2017-2019. I never quite connected for various reasons, but I have often thought working through the steps would be so beneficial. Thank you for this offering, dear, brave and wise friend.
Reading, absorbing, pondering, processing - oftentimes that’s more powerful than writing. Please know in whatever capacity you are here, you are held my friend.
I appreciate you Rosemary!
I would like to be part of this as well. I am a life long learner on how to find inner peace and unlock my behaviors that prevent me from my true essence. Always seeking truth yet the self destructive behaviors(people pleasing) always take me off course. Looking forward to gaining more wisdom.
Hi Margaret! So glad you are here and I’m thrilled you want to join in.
People pleasing - you’re talking my language. Ugh - the pull of it is so hard to untangle from. I think growth and that true essence we all deserve and aspire to step in and step from starts with self-awareness. I hear a lot of that in your comment. 🫶
Thanks for sharing.
Fantastic contribution, Allison. I'm happy to find your little corner of the cyber world, something we didn't have when I sobered up. Back then, we YPAAs drove a few of the AA "purists" a bit batty with our wild ideas of shadow work, etc., but most of us kept coming back, continue to practice these principles, and I count myself SO blessed to have 100s of friends I've met trudging this road of happy destiny. Hopefully many more decades to trudge ahead for all of us, in 24 hr segments.
I'll accept your challenge to write more, out loud, and I'd be down for a Zoom or having some folks join our Telegram Group called "Alcoholics (not entirely) Anonymous" https://t.me/+ea3wCE65c6RmOWUx . "Not entirely", simply because we ARE online so neither security, nor anonymity will ever be guaranteed. Meetings on Telegram are forever free.
Take care. Looking forward to the conversation :-)
Thanks for being here and sharing Johnny! Nice to connect here.
It’s so great - all the areas sober folks can find each other these days. I love how you call this the “road of happy destiny.” 🫶 We walk the road in 24 hr segments. Yes!!!
I love that you’re up for writing and recovery out loud! 📣
Let’s do it.
Do you have a Zoom room to set up a regular meeting, or are you on Telegram and would you like to try it there?
I’m all for having meetings, live or online, because that’s where the juice flows. Being one who grew up in Alcoholics Anonymous, strongly sponsored and directed to follow the 12 steps precisely as they are written and articulated in the textbook, I recognize there is a distinct difference between the program and the fellowship. I love both, but the program is the solution. Meetings are the fellowship and it’s so awesome. The energy that happens between us all when we get together is magical, and it can also sometimes be messy.
I would love to go to Vancouver for the 90th anniversary at the International convention this summer, but I don’t think that’s gonna work out. I do look forward to finding out if God sees fit to keep me sober until August 27, and then I get to find out about the possibility of celebrating 40 continuous years without drinking. Well, without wanting to, because the true miracle is, he’s just simply removed my desire to drink. So that takes away my capacity to claim any credit for it because it is truly just something God did for me, that I could not do for myself.
A combination of magical and messy sounds about right. The energy when meeting and connecting in real time is the secret sauce. I agree with you, there.
Though to be clear - this space I’m offering as part of this intensive or challenge to “step into the steps” is not following the program to a “T” (in fact, it’s encouraging others to think a bit differently about tailoring the steps to them/to individual ailments and not just alcohol).
Anyway, I do want to gather by Zoom later in the Challenge but it will be open to only paid subscribers, in an effort to offer a safe container for folks who are walking through this exploration together.
In terms of availability, Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday are my best evenings, and I’m in the mountain time zone
I'm definitely in and looking forward to it! I haven't done the 12 steps in the traditional way, but I read through them with a group of friends I met in AA. I no longer attend AA meetings after being called out for not having a sponsor and not using the word alcoholic, so I'm happy to be here in a safe place with no judgment. I've heard great things about Breathing Under Water, so I'll be glad to hear your thoughts on it. Thank you for doing this! :)
I’m thrilled you’ll be here for this, Crystal. And YES - this will be a judgement free zone.
I’m sorry you had a bad experience attending meetings. I think we all have to find what works for us and it’s going to look different for everyone.
I know many people who take what’s useful to them from the steps and leave the rest behind.
This is a build your own adventure kind of challenge these next 12 weeks. 🙃 No prescriptive rules. Just prompts and things to reflect on.
Oh and if you want to REALLY immerse yourself I have a wonderful women’s meeting for us to go to together - not too far from you! 😂
Oooooh. I am going to make that part of my individual challenge. To attend a meeting. So yes, you’ll hear more from me on that.
Allison - inspiring. I have found great comfort in working the 12 steps this past year - and I now understand why it’s a lifelong practice. It’s not just a way to help one stay sober. It’s about discovering peace within yourself. I struggled with who I was as a person and there were things that kept me stuck in the first few years of sobriety - causing me to relapse in other ways. The steps have allowed me to find my way back to myself. I’m excited to follow along for the next 12 weeks with you. The growth never stops 🩷
Hi Kim! I’m so glad you will be here with us.
“The steps have allowed me to find my way back to myself”. I love that. Isn’t this the ultimate goal? What we are all really after if we peel things back and get honest. We want to be ourselves. It’s that simple yet we humans insist on complicating it. And, it is so easy for us all to get lost along the way.
Thrilled to have you part of this group. 💓
Let’s keep growing. 🌱
Such a lovely and generous piece, Allison. This, "and if I’ve learned anything in sobriety it is to pay attention." So much yes. I love that you're working the 12 steps through experience and writing that experience down to share with us. I look forward to reading it all. xo
Thank you, Jocelyn.
Yes, the necessary (and often confronting) practice of paying attention. It’s critical to my recovery, I’m learning.
So happy you’ll be reading along 💕
Yesterday was 4 years for me. I quit right after spring break 2021. I will be 46 in less than a month and I feel every single word of what you said in this piece and so yes sis I am in!! I have to tell you that this morning as I was scrolling through Substack looking for a read- part of my routine- I was feeling meh. I don’t really read a lot of “sobriety” pieces right now. So I thought, let me see what my girl Allison has been up to, she usually gets me connected to something in myself and what did I find- this piece! Right on time lol. 💛👯♀️
Amy - this note from you made my heart burst open. Thank you 🙏🏼
Seems you and I are aligned in many ways. No matter how wonky and shaky things can get in sobriety, I always trust that I will find my way to “my” people. You are most certainly one of them!
So glad you are in 🫶
Allison, your writing finds me right on time. I am grappling with the addictive part of me, the what I have done (before sobriety) and what I mean to do next (as a sober soul.) I too have two children on this earth, five and half years apart, a boy and a girl. My 19 year old a freshman this year, my 14 year old headed to high school. I have resisted AA, my father sober with AA for over 30 years. He is dedicated to the big book but not truly sober, IMHO. It was as if he abandoned the bar for meetings and nothing else changed. AA creates an undercurrent of anger and yet the 12 steps do not. I have participated in ACOA in the past, I am familiar with the steps and terrified of them. I am joining you in this. I thank you for it.
Caretaking, as addictive as alcohol…ouch and nausea and yes please. I am a healthcare provider and yes the fear of not going to work to give, to be needed, feels exactly the same as not drinking (in the beginning.) I have noticed as of late, I do not feel pride in my AF lifestyle but guilt and shame. I am looking to renew that pride, that desire to celebrate such an achievement and thankful for this offering. The spiritual quest is so welcome. I’ve said too much.
MKaye - there is no "too much" here. All of this is welcome, and I thank you for sharing it.
I hear a lot of self-awareness in your words here. I admire that. You put words (that make total sense) to the WHY you have resisted AA. "Familiar with the steps and terrified of them." That's powerful and I'm so glad you will be here to go through them, gently (toe-dip!) if need be. The dedication it takes to abstain from alcohol is commendable AND that does not make someone sober. The "nothing else changed" is hard, right?
Yeah, the caretaking as an addictive behavior to soothe something that is lacking. It's where I need to do some serious inventory. Personally, I think I am a bit spiritually starving. I look forward to where this will take me (though also nervous as hell).
So in awe of you, friend. You inspire me. Yes. I am all the way in, divine timing feels at hand .
YES, Judy!!! Thrilled you will be here. xoxoxo Let's do this my friend.
stunning and appreciated, Allison. thank you for your practice.
Elena - thank you for your generous spirit, always. I so appreciate you.
A wonderful and generous initiative, Alison. I am in. I am in because I am curious to peel back the layers of my automatic thought on reading this: I am firmly, happily sober for 4 years now and no other addictions plague me right now. Ha! As you say, that is a bit of denial at play. Certainly the Mark Nepo caregiver quote landed for me too. So I’m happy to take a look at the lurking obssesions in my life now to see what they have to teach me.
HA! I appreciate your honest and candid reply, Amy! It's easy not to see them, the blind spots. We all have them, at least that's my belief.
So grateful that you will be a part of this exploration. Thank you.