If you are new to DARE TO BE, HELLO! I am so happy you are here. The last Friday of every month is a FEELING IT FRIDAY where the DARE TO BE community is invited to let them out - all the feelings. They are welcome here, you are welcome, just as you are. You can read more about it here.
Ever and always inspired by David Whyte, for the month of February I am doing my own take on his two books of Consolations1. In 300 words or less, I am here whittling down a specific word, from the inside out and then back inside again.
I encourage you to do the same. I would love to read yours, too. Find a word that is teasing you to be teased out. Please send them my way. If you don’t want to share with the community at large, the invitation is always there to send by direct message or by email.
So far, I danced with the words SAVOR , SELF-CENTERED and COMPULSION. Today I’m picking up a word that taunts me and haunts me. PERFECTION. Do you know it, too?
PERFECTION
Perfection is a personal purgatory.
It presents as one foot on the gas and the other on the brake. An agonizing analysis paralysis that has you spinning your wheels. Perfectionism holds hands with procrastination. Frequent companions they wear the same disguise. Cut from the same cloth. Twinning.
When perfection is pulling the strings it’s typically a performance for another. What starts as puppeteering for others’ attention molds into critical self-obsession. A prescription in perpetuity that we filled in our youth convinces us we need to excel to propel. Praise becomes our kryptonite. Because praise replaces instinct, poised we wait for it. The accolades. Justification for all the efforts. Ego soars and perfection strides along, victor once again.
When perfection is driving the car, fear is the back seat driver. Fear is the passenger who won’t let you run a diagnostic or look under the hood. Your engine wants to purr but is too afraid to accelerate. Too afraid to actually prove how capable it is. So, it abides by the speed limit.
Perfection keeps us in our addictions, it keeps us stepping on the scale. Perfection tells our brains to do one more rep, crush one more mile, sign up for one more race. It is what blocks our writing, prevents the paint from going on the easel, keeps our mouths shut and our blinking cursors staring at us.
Until, eventually, your imperfections encourage you to exhale, to descale.
One day, perfection lays down to rest because it’s so tired from all the managing. Imperfection tells it, rest now, I’ve got this. Imperfectly, she sets the stage and walks on out, sharing all the gifts that have been waiting for this day. Off she goes.
FEELINGS DUMP - LEAVE THEM HERE:
~How does perfection interact with you? Have you found ways to squash it, lower its volume?
~Where are your feelings this Friday? Are you looking forward to March or is it a long-complicated month for you, too?
I’d love to hear from you all.
CHECK IT OUT:
I had a lot of fun as a co-guest with
on ’s podcast . We chatted about the intersection of creativity and sobriety and how to balance it all. Guess what, it involves leaning into imperfection! Trusting the process.
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In whatever capacity you are here; if your eyes are reading my words, I thank you for taking the time to visit.
FROM THE ARCHIVES- here are two earlier essays that dip right into perfectionism and its sister, ambition:
THIS. ✨
Allison, how ironic that the word I want to use is “perfect.” But this essay is everything to me. It hits home in all the ways. As someone intentionally leaning into the awkward, typo-d, messy, unpolished grit of life to live wholeheartedly on this planet, I savored every word. Twice. SO damn good. I applaud and cherish your voice.
thank you for being so real and clear. even when you're not. i heart you.